I read a lot of posts/asks here on Tumblr that make me want to scream, “Get out! Run away!” Over, and over again, I see submissives ignoring the warning signs of an abusive, or ‘fuckboy’, Dominant. So, I thought assembling a list of what to watch out for might help even one submissive stand up for herself, and to me that’s definitely worth the effort. I hope other submissives will comment and add any warning signs that I’ve missed, in hopes that they reach someone out there that might find courage in seeing them in black and white.
You should be reevaluate your Dominant (or prospective Dominant) if they…
-Disappear for a day or more without any contact or explanation
-Withdraw attention as punishment
-Ask whether you like anal before asking about your hobbies
-Tell you that ‘as the Dominant’ they don’t owe you an explanation when they’re ‘too busy’
-Habitually limit your contact with others
-Have nothing nice to say about any of their former significant others
-Tell you that you misunderstood the situation instead of apologizing, or comforting you, when you are upset
-Never say please
-Tell you boundaries are meant to be pushed
-Complain if you use your safeword, or if say you don’t want to try something
-Get mad when you ask about the reasoning behind a decision
A day? Most of this list I’m all for, but please recognize people have lives.
For myself its not uncommon to vanish for 2-3 days when I get caught up with work and training and I can’t be the only one.
Be transparent, but people get busy outside of tumblr. Patience is a virtue.
In my book, outside of emergency situations, there is no reason to disappear for more than a day without, as I said, “contact or explanation.”
That is a matter of priority. If you’re a surgeon and you have a 30 hour shift you send a message beforehand and say “on call this weekend and won’t be in contact. Love you”.
99.9999% of situations there is no excuse for not taking literally 30 seconds to tell someone what’s going on.
Sorry if you disagree, but for ME, unless you have an emergency, (which would mean there is an explanation afterward other than “I was busy”) that’s 100% a dealbreaker.
Jerseyg2 reborn 